The War; good cheer; Wallace Stegner on old age

by thecloudforest

I’ve started watching the Ken Burns documentary mini-series The War and even though it visibly perturbs me, I feel extremely drawn to it. I feel I’m on the verge of crying the entire time, but this doesn’t bother me. I feel human in the best possible way. I think my dad probably wonders why I spend any time watching something so dark, but I’m sure if I explained to him that it was somehow “cathartic” (his new favorite word) that he would understand a bit better. I’ve never been a cheerful person. Most of my masochistic tendencies have been left behind with my teenage years, but I feel vaguely uncomfortable exposing myself to all-things-positive when I’m sad, at least when media is concerned. I like vibrant colors and laughing and keeping good company as much as the next person, but forcing them down my own gullet doesn’t feel anything but false. Anyway, I don’t watch The War because I want to keep up a consistently sad feeling. I’ve never liked blood n’ guts. I watch because I’m interested. In fact, this might be my first real taste of “human interest” that wasn’t bland or saccharine. (Bitter, yes.) It makes me long for a bonus set of grandparents, ones who take pride and pleasure in telling me all about their lives.

Speaking of which, some Wallace Stegner on old age from The Spectator Bird:

“He says that when asked if he feels like an old man he replies that he does not, he feels like a young man with something the matter with him.”

and

“Getting old is like standing in a long, slow line. You wake up out of the shuffle and torpor only at those moments when the line moves you one step closer to the window.”